Sorry for the lack of concrete updates/news on chapter 11. I’ve been in kind of an abusive relationship with Death Clown these last few months. The project has become extremely taxing on my mental health but for some reason I can’t stop myself going back to it. I love these characters and want to tell their stories but the longer I work on it the more it becomes clear that I’m not prepared for such a project. My consistent failure to come out with content I’m satisfied with has deteriorated to the point of monthly episodes of impulsive behaviour and derealisation. As of writing this, I am thoroughly burnt out on drawing webcomics.

3 month gaps between chapters

For some reason regardless of length, whether it be 17 pages or 40, new chapters always take anywhere between 2 - 4 months to complete. The fact they’ve consistently taken this long to to release despite the different circumstances surrounding each chapter’s development is really fucking frustrating. I don’t know how it manages to almost always take 3 months. It feels like a sick joke.

Failed experiments

I’ve changed so much about my process in an effort to make working on it smoother, especially since the start of this year, but every attempt so far has either made things less efficient or ugly. In most cases both. I’ve reached a point now where I don’t know where to take my style. Whenever I look at my art, it almost feels as if it’s not mine. I used to joke that I frankensteined my art style out of things I like but I feel that’s more relevant now than ever. I know a lot of people like the “mould brush” but to me it just looks muddy and like trying to add detail where it doesn’t belong. I haven’t fully figured out how to use it.

Unsatisfied with output

The early chapters are dogshit. Obviously it’s natural for a series to improve as it goes but the fact everything that comes next is built on that foundation makes it difficult for me to appreciate the series as a whole. It will always be tainted by my inexperienced younger self and his weird art and dialogue. The obvious solution to this issue would be to start over and reboot, which I have been trying since chapter 10. Even then, part of me doesn’t want to throw away the last 3 years of work, which has prevented me from feeling joy in either version of the series.

I think I have a complex

I’ll fully concede that such a strong reaction isn't normal and is entirely up to my upbringing. Everyone knows the artist is the worst critic but I feel this goes beyond that. In any case, it's not healthy. Growing up I was only really praised for my artistic ability. Any attempt to branch out and try new things was met with apathy, and failure was met with harsh punishment. I wouldn't say I've become an adult that can't handle criticism, but the amount of criticism I give to myself is far beyond what's healthy. If you've read my recent news posts, you know what this entails.

TLDR:

Working on Death Clown is causing intense stress and any attempt to make things easier is just making it worse. For the sake of my health I have to put it to bed.

I'm sorry.