Hello worms.

Let's get the good news out of the way first. Chapter 6 is a few pages away from having a part 1 ready for NG. It's just been slow because of motivation and now commissions (grumpy needs money).

I also had my neurology appointment and learned a few things. It turns out during September there was a conference discussing the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. From my understanding it's yet to be published but what I had been dealing with was called Clinically Isolated Syndrome, which is basically a single episode caused by inflammation in the Central Nervous System, which for me presented itself as Optic Neuritis. The new findings found more than half of people with CIS go on to develop MS so from now on they're treating it as such (I think). Ask someone in the field if that made any sense but point is the diagnosis got bumped up from 90% to 100% official.

I also got my blood test results back. I'm mostly perfectly healthy apart from MS which is weird because I draw webcomics all day and only emerge from my room to eat a piece of lettuce between old bread because I'm the only person in this house that believes in expiration dates on food. The only thing that showed up out of the ordinary is I wasn't immunised for measles. I probably missed the booster in high school, so that's gonna delay things a bit. They're taking my spinal fluid and doing more MRIs hopefully before the end of the year, then I'll be beginning treatment, most likely Tysabri.

Which brings me to the bad news regarding BE. I'm very slow and inconsistent at releasing new chapters but I might be going on hiatus after the full version of chapter 6. since I'll be immunocompromised and it could get pretty fucking rough. I'll keep working on it but probably not at the pace I was before, at least until I can actually function normally again. I understand if anyone wants to adjust or end their patreon membership in light of this news.

Who knows? Maybe nothing will change or maybe I'll be so fucking miserable I blast it all out in a few weeks like the end of chapter 1 (don't get your hopes up).

Well, that's where I'm at right now. I also have man flu as I write this so I'm having a brilliant last few weeks, clearly. I miss the gym but I got to meet a mutual earlier in the week though, which was nice.

Prices are in Australian dollarydoos



Can't remember if I've ever done these on NG but it's worth a shot.

PM me if you want something!

4/4 SLOTS TAKEN

Obviously that's just a silly title to raise eyebrows but it'll make sense when I'm finished. There's no comic or life updates in this post (kinda) so skip it if you like, but I feel like I have to put it out there.

Over the last year of working on BE I've been dealing maybe the most traumatic experience in my 25 years on this planet. I've had several terrible parents and felt like I was gonna die more than once and way younger than anyone should have to, but I think this last one has changed me the most as a person. I went over it in this news post under the "Why so edgy?" portion so I won't repeat myself here.

TLDR: I was put in a situation where a stranger's life was in my hands and regular people on the street tried to stop me.

Ever since then I haven't been the same. The way I describe it is It's like I've seen something about the species that I wasn't supposed to and now I can never unsee it. I can't relate to or form meaningful relationships with people the way I used to before the incident. It's like where other people would see a "soul" (for lack of a better term), I see nothing. The easiest way I can explain it is like being a game developer. What other people might see as a deep character, to me is just lines of code and dialogue. It's very difficult to articulate.

I bring this up because it's not a popular worldview to have (big shock). It's not like I don't want to open myself up again. Believe me, I've tried. It's not me being edgy, it's a psychological block that probably won't go away without years of therapy (at least). It'll probably take something equally as Earth-shattering to undo it. I suppose it doesn't help that "the inherent good of all mankind uwu" is hip with the kids on twitter who pretend to have empathy. Maybe it's not a nice thing to say, but the way the "acceptance and empathy" crowd is so quick dismiss what is a very common response to trauma/moral injury makes it seem like they're hoping they'll just kill themselves for their sake. It doesn't take a professional to know pushing people like that away and making them feel more alienated only makes things worse (you fucking idiots).

I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I'm not ashamed.

I'm not going to blame myself anymore. I did as I was told with very little time to act and did what would've been the right thing. I'm not sure what made all those people turn on me and tune out the man outside dying, all I know is something is very wrong with those people and I'm not going to pretend there isn't because it's "cringe" or whatever.

At the end of the day, I saw some shit and it fucked me up. It would do the same to anyone. I don't know if I'll ever be the same again, but everything I felt was real. I don't believe in fake positivity. The best thing I can do for myself right now is to be honest about my feelings.

TLDR: Every single fake mental health professional on twitter can go and get fucked.

How's it goin' guys.

I'm still working on chapter 6 of Bury Everyone. It's been slower than I'd like for several reasons. I had to do more tests in October and as I write this I'm attempting to correct my sleep schedule which sometimes can take up to a week of failed all-nighters. No, Americans. You need a prescription to get melatonin in Australia. I've seriously tried everything I can think of. Going to bed earlier, breathing exercises, over the counter bullshit that was probably never going to work, best I can do is 3 hours. Unfortunately it's a PTSD thing so I probably won't sleep consistently ever unless I bite the bullet or become an alcoholic.

I should have a part 1 finished before the end of November. It's hard to believe I haven't drawn a proper fight scene since chapter 1.

As for the MS stuff. Still no updates. They said I'd get blood test results "in November" but I wasn't given a specific date. Still no new symptoms (thank god). My mum used to be a nurse and has been up my ass about this whole thing. Every time I see her she asks the same questions. The only thing that's changed is I'm on vitamin supplements. I've already had the talk with her that I'm being asked enough questions by doctors and can I PLEASE be left alone at home. She literally just said no. As fucked up as it sounds I think she gets some vicarious excitement from having a son with a potentially life changing condition.

As all this is happening, I'm celebrating over a year of unemployment, a fight that only gets harder the more acronyms I collect for the "do you have any medical conditions" bit of the recruitment process. With all of this in mind, I think I've earned a bit of a "WHY GOD??!!" but I'm not religious. Maybe things would've turned out better if I drew porn.

Hope you're looking forward to the part where the sad redhead fights that green bitch!

Haven't had a post-BE news post be titled "rant" in a while but here we are!

I think chapter 4 and 5 are twins in a way. Not only are they both the start of the arc and have a sad long haired doomer (like myself) but they're probably the most mentally taxing chapters I've released so far. 4 because of its content, 5 because of external factors that lead to it getting delayed so much. Sorry everyone for the wait. I promised it would be out in October and ended up releasing slightly before October so I've got that going for me I guess.

I think I like the current trend of chapters being around 30 pages. It just feels right somehow. It allows me to post big-ish parts on NG as previews and it pisses off Tom Fulp, a man who has done nothing but be silently supportive of my work and deserves better than this. Hopefully I can keep it up but also release them a little faster. Maybe when my fucked up head is able to be treated.

Vivi and Misery are my favourite new characters and I love them as I would my own children. I know a few years ago the dynamic of sad old man + difficult child was in vogue but in this case the child is pure evil and the sad old man is a little bitch. Maybe there's an alternate timeline where they go to Bunnings and get their cactus without issue. It's funny in my head at least.

But yeah, this is the chapter I've been waiting to write since Epper made this face in chapter 3:

I'm pretty exhausted after drawing all that so it might be another long-ish wait for chapter 6 but I've been wrong before, once again I am TERRIBLE with release dates.

As for my brain. Still no meaningful updates. I did go to the neurology department but all they really did was put some goo on my head and make me look at a screen. Next appointment is in October. That should be a fun one.

Bit of an update on my health because a lot has changed over the last 48 hours. In my last post I said they have no idea what's going on in my head but after today I've learned that it's more like no one knows what they're fucking doing.

Yesterday I went to the eye and ear hospital because my GP was worried I still have Optic Neuritis based on my recent MRI images. That turned out not to be the case and persistent swelling/pain is normal in former ON patients, or so they say. Recent events have made it very difficult to believe even trained professionals.

To cut straight to the chase, Multiple Sclerosis is back on the table despite being specifically told earlier this week I don't have it. Somehow the place I got my imagining done lost my first set of MRI scans from last year (which explains why I never got to look at those) and now that they've been found, they're saying I might have it. I don't know how they managed to fuck up like that. This shit cost me $600 which is a lot of money when you're an unemployed webcomic artist with an entire psych ward in your skull but I guess they dropped their USB stick in the toilet or something. Good fucking job there.

On the bright side I now have two referrals to neurology clinics so hopefully that does SOMETHING to say "this situation is urgent, get this fucker an appointment right now" but I could be waiting weeks, or even months. Let's hope I'm still in the early stages by then.

Fuck I wish this shit would end. I've felt like I've had comically bad luck for a very long time with the way everything seems to fall apart around me. That's gonna be the ultimate "fuck you" if I end up spending 2024 in the gym only to spend 2025 in a wheelchair. It makes me wonder why I even make an effort if I'm just going to be unceremoniously sent back to square one every single fucking time.

I'm just gonna shut my mouth about this whole thing until I either get a definite answer or I lose control of my bodily functions (they seriously told me to call them if I start shitting myself) because clearly between all the being pushed around and sent to all these places, both public and private, there's either been a breakdown in communication or everyone just forgets how to do their jobs around me.

I'll let you know when they get their shit together.

Yep, it's out! Gabbo works quickly. The plot is indeed thickening.

I usually wait to have a bit more of a buffer between the Newgrounds previews and the pages I release on Patreon but since this one has already been delayed to hell and back thanks to other obligations and my ongoing medical issues, I decided it would be better to just release what I have. I hope the patrons are enjoying their 1 whole page of extra content (sorry).

I wonder how many people remember the "72 missing" clipping from chapter 3. I try to write/draw BE in a way that rewards binging (yes, the golden skink population is counting down to the end of the series), but it's kinda difficult when you have a release schedule as slow and inconsistent as mine. Still, it beats reading a completed long-running series and having to sit through entire chapters of recaps (Thanks AOT). Sorry if you have hiatus-brain. Maybe every chapter should end with Epper staring directly at the reader and asking if they caught all that.

Speaking of brains, I have a few updates on mine. There's no white matter deficiencies in my spine and I don't have Cancer or MS, which is good but I'm no closer to a diagnosis or prognosis. All of the tests say I'm perfectly healthy, however hard that is to believe.

So what the hell is this?

The short answer is we have no idea. I'll be seeing a neurologist at some point about it. I have a referral but no appointment yet. If I'm (un)lucky I might have some new disease named after me but it could be anything from MBD to a stroke. Even my MRI images are pressing F to pay respects. Yes these are the best quality images I was sent. I have jpegbrain. Maybe that's what I'll end up naming the condition.

Since I still technically have Optic Neuritis, I'll be going back to the eye and ear hospital to hopefully be put on steroids again. If you've been around since chapter 1 you'll remember how that went. Turns out "performance enhancer" is a very broad term. Either the next part of chapter 5 will come out very quickly or I'll be too groggy to work on it. Wish me luck!

What's up my froglets

I have a 16 page preview of BE #5 waiting to be translated, which is nice. Gabbo is away from home and won't be able to start work until Monday but it should be ready within the next few weeks. Not happy about uploading new chapters at Death Clown speed but I guess that's just how the crusty died up dog shit crumbles.

Seriously though, thanks for bearing with us on this one. It's been pretty busy/scary these last few weeks. Still haven't received word on prognosis or treatment for my brain lesions yet but I probably will when the preview finally comes out. For those who missed it, I updated my last news post with pictures from the scan so you can go look at my brain. This is even more embarrassing than posting my nudes. I recently got another MRI done on my spine too so that's fun.

Just a short update this time. Go drink your juice.

Hi everyone. No funny business this time.

First of all, I went to the Newgrounds meetup in Melbourne on the 17th and it was fucking sick. It was nice meeting some of you guys, even if a worrying amount of people now know what I look like. I've become a lot more private since the incident in 2022 but I'm glad I came.

With that out of the way, I had another MRI scan last week which I've just got the results for today and they're worrying to say the least.

Some of you might remember the end of last year when I was diagnosed with Optic Neuritis (swelling of the optic nerve that left me blind in one eye). ON is usually an early sign of Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and is especially rare in men, but none of the blood tests I took brought up anything weird at the time and I don't have a family history of the disease so we just let that one slide under the assumption I was an extremely rare case.

Which brings us to the present. Last week's scan revealed I still have swollen nerves, which is weird because I can see out of both eyes just fine (for now), but I do occasionally get headaches behind my left eye. The part we're particularly worried about now is signs of demyelination of my corpus callosum. In layman's terms, the two halves of my brain are disconnecting. This could be for a number of reasons. It would be weird if I were diagnosed with MS now considering it's usually genetic but I've had shittier luck before I guess. I don't have a prognosis so I'll hold off on announcing that I'm dying for now, but something has gone horribly wrong in my head (again). Unfortunately I was not sent images from the scan but here are the notes.

So yeah. Turns out I'm a lot more fucked in the head than I thought. Truly the inside of my skull is a bottomless void of suffering and nightmares. I'll be getting another MRI done on my spine so we'll see what that looks like.

Until then, uhh... fuck.

UPDATE 25/08/2024: owgh me 'ead

You can see a few areas in these images where there's a little black/white spot buried deep in my head. That's a brain lesion (FUCK). There's probably more but that one is the most noticeable/consistent and the one that caused the most worry. These are low quality pics and I'm not a doctor (obviously) so there's probably a few things I'm missing. Hopefully they don't find more.

Hi guys. This is the obligatory "yes I'm working on it" post for a fifth chapter of BE. I want to say by the end of this one, the comic will have finally eclipsed Death Clown in terms of page count. We'll see.

Progress has been slow since July was mostly dedicated to art fight. I started working on a 7th page (not including cover art) the other day. I've already had a few rounds of spending a full day on a single panel only to finish and realise "that doesn't work, I'll have to start over tomorrow" so we're well and truly back in business. I would've liked for it to get done faster but there's a lot twisting my nuts right now psychologically. Being 25 with no future gives you a lot of time to reflect, I guess.

People that know me well enough know I have more mental illnesses than a twitter bio. I try not to talk about it much anymore but I feel like I've accidentally made things harder for myself that way. When your brain doesn't process information the same way most people's do and has unusually strong/weak reactions to inconvenience/stress, you kinda have to tell your friends/coworkers/boss/agent/provider/etc what the hell your problem is. I don't know what looks more professional at this point. Would they be more forgiving if they knew I had spaghetti-code brain or would they just drop me faster?

I know a lot of these things are solvable, but I'm still trying to find where "you'll be fine, see a shrink" ends and "this is something you have to live with" begins. I'm not sure if I'll ever have stability but I'll be sure to use the anguish of not having it as motivation at the gym so I can one day punch a hole through the Earth.

All that to say, a bit of frustration helps me work on BE, but not when it makes me lightheaded. The usual cures aren't helping so I'm just gonna have to wait this one out. Maybe next week will be more productive.

Wish I had a more positive note to end this one on.

I beat Doom Eternal on Nightmare at the end of July. It wasn't that bad.